You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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