so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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