how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
