His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Couch. On fire.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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