To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
