So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
