I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
