It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
