shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
