..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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