yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
