FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
