he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
