I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
