this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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