he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
