I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
