Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
