you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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