Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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