Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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