I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
