What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize