"it" just moved
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
