Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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