I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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