the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
