Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize