Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
