Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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