so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
