Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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