I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
