k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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