there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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