At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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