I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
