so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
