is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
