ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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