Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
