the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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