Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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