I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
