just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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