anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
