I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
