HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
