New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ladies don't puke and tell
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
