Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
