I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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