my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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