____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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