I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
