nut hugger
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize