I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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