Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
