Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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