She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
