If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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