Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize