there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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