just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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