My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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