My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
