I think I am morally bankrupt
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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