Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
its liver damage thursday
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
