After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
