I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
