i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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