Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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