I hate all girls vehemently.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
