Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
