Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
