dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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