My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize