I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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