dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
