you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize