You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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