tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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