he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
