Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you win again, gameday.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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