you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize