Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
