Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
