apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
