So drunk its hurt
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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