what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
