Pappa wants mamma naked
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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