Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
