It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
