He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
