And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
