There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
