hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
