y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
