the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
