Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
