like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
