Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
