are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
