...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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