The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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