hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
