you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
