I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize