Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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