first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
