He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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